Breast Pumps, Bottles and Refrigerators

So I get up at midnight, 2:30 and 4:45am to nurse the baby then I might as well stay up because I have to get the older two ready for school.  I leave to take them at 7. I come home.  I pick Cam up at 10:40.  I come home.  I pick Tay up at 12:40 due to an early out.  I bring her home to change and off to piano practice.  When she's done I run the two older ones to mom's then dash off back to the school for a parent teacher conference.  Then I go back to mom's to pick up the kids and end up crashing for a bit on their couch only to wake up and realize it's time for dinner and no homework has been done.  We race home to work on homework.  Jason comes home. I take off with Cam to Zaxby's (she's been a bit jealous lately). I pay Upwards fees and then hit Baskin Robbins for my date with Cam.  We get home.  I get her ready and in bed.  I sit down with Taylor to review a test.  I get her in bed.  I get the baby in bed and then I balance our budget. Then I hit the sack just to start it all over again 1 1/2 hours later. Oh yeah, did I mention feeding the baby every 2 1/2 - 3 hours during all of this chaos?!  I woke up this morning feeling exhausted (as usual) and in a mood (once again).  On the way to school I was trying to find things I was thankful for to put me in a good mood.  It came to me!  On this Friday I am most thankful for my breast pump!!!  What?!  My breast pump?  Yes!!  I'm thankful for my breast pump because it's a lovely invention that puts my milk into a cute little bottle which in turn will go into the fridge today and when the baby wakes up through the night....daddy gets to feed her!!  I plan on sleeping tonight.  All the way through.  I haven't done that in what feels like years but I'm doing it tonight and THAT puts me in a much better mood.  I'll sleep through the night and I will sleep in tomorrow because it's Saturday and I have made zero plans for the morning.  Those 8ish hours of sleep will be what gets me through the next 6 days of...total chaos.  Moms-can I get a AMEN?!  So to sum it all up, I am so very thankful for the inventors of breast pumps, bottles and refrigerators for tonight they will be my heroes!!

With my luck, tonight will be the night she sleeps all the way through but I refuse to let that thought discourage me.  Btw, this is not me complaining about having kids because you know I love them with all my heart!!  I wouldn't trade them for the world!! This is my stress reliever.  My therapy.  This, in fact, will keep me from exploding.  Be very thankful I put it on "paper" and not on you :)

Glancing Back, Gazing Ahead

Today's date is not one I will soon forget.  Sometimes I wish I could but then I realize that without the bad memories, the good ones wouldn't feel so good.  I'd take things for granted and I don't want to be that kind of person.  Today is filled with so many different emotions. It's bittersweet.  I'm grieving the loss of my pregnancy one year ago.  In some ways it feels so long ago and in other ways it feels like yesterday.  I felt pain and heartache like never before and still feel some today.  Even though I've shed many tears recalling that day minute by minute I can't help but to smile at where I am today.  The most difficult year of my life was also full of God's healing, God's love, and God's promises being fulfilled.  The very same weekend I miscarried, my mom was healed.  This was something my dad had prayed for daily and honestly I had pretty much lost hope that it would ever happen. She had been sick pretty much my whole life and had only gotten worse over the last few years.  She's gone from having someone come care for her on a daily basis to only having someone come once a week so she can go out to eat and shopping.  She went from falling asleep with her face in her plate to cooking for us. She went from walking like she was 90 yrs old to standing straight up and walking on her own and exercising daily.  She even attends church with dad 3 times a week, reads her Bible daily and has a prayer partner.  I could not possibly look back at this week and just cry over my loss.  I also celebrate in my mom's healing.  Even though I had a really hard time climbing out of my funk, feeling sorry for myself and pretty much isolated myself from most people, God was continuously reminding me that I needed to trust Him.  He told me very clearly on many occasions that I would get pregnant again and have another baby.  It's what I longed for with all my heart and He knew that.  It felt like an eternity before I got pregnant again but it was really only 6 months.  We were beyond excited and still on cloud nine when we found out our baby had a birth defect.  We didn't get good news at all.  The doctors were not encouraging.  I think this would have been the most devastating news if I had not already been through what I had been through.  Yes, I lost my baby but at the same time my mom was healed.  I knew He could heal this baby too. I was mad at God and disappointed but yet I could see He was fulfilling His promise just by me being pregnant.  I had a peace that I know was not because of anything I had done.  He just gave it to me.  I knew my baby would be okay and if she wasn't then He would get us through. By week 17 she was completely clear of the birth defect and any other abnormalities. We had a perfectly healthy baby!  Now I sit here at 30 weeks with no words to describe how thankful I am.  With every squirm, kick and punch I am reminded of His goodness, His faithfulness and His promise.  I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this little girl.  She is a blessing.  She is a miracle.  She's proof that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Thank you God for our little girl!!  Now please tell her to stop kicking and rolling on my bladder so much.  I'll have to wear diapers soon if you don't!!

On Top of the World!!

Today we got the news that our baby's growth is resolving!! We are so relieved and excited!! I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know we aren't in the clear yet but this is a huge step in the right direction. God is so good!! It has really touched our hearts to hear so many people have been praying for us and lifting our baby up. I can't express to you how much that means to us. I have been crying and laughing off and on all day. Tears of joy, of course!! Laughing because I haven't felt this happy in a very long time. You couldn't slap the smile off my face right now. It has been one tough year for the Bowicks. We are still awaiting the blood work results from MUSC but I'm really not that concerned about it. The baby is looking great! Every time the tech looked at and measured a different part of the baby's body she followed it with "That looks good.". Music to my ears!! We go back in 3 weeks for another ultrasound and again at 20 weeks then another one around 22 weeks to look specifically at the heart. They are still concerned about the possibility of Turner's syndrome but we have chosen not to do an amnio since there is nothing we would do differently. I will continue to put my hope in the Lord. At 12 weeks the doctors were saying "I'm sorry.". At 14 weeks they are saying "Congratulations"!!! Only my God can do that!! Oh btw, my two very sweet little girls are super excited that the color pink will continue to flow throughout our house. Baby girl Bowick is due August 27th and I can't wait!!!!

Waiting

After my miscarriage last year, the Lord brought two stories to my attention over and over again. The first was about the Isrealites in the wilderness and if they had just trusted God He would have allowed them to enter the land of milk and honey. He also brought up the story of Abraham and Sarah over and over again and how he promised them a child. I felt as though He was promising me another child too and here I am...pregnant :) His promise was fulfilled. Now that I find myself in this place of uncertainty He has brought up the story of Lazarus a second time. Last week I blogged about how Camryn asked me to read the story and it reminded me that God is a God of miracles but this time I was shown a different theme. I was listening to the radio this morning (The Wally show...love it!). Wally does a segment called Monday school where he talks about what he learned in church on Sunday. Wouldn't you know the story was about Lazarus. He didn't focus on the miracle like I did. He focused on waiting. Jesus heard Lazarus was sick and still waited a few days to go see him instead of dropping everything. When he finally arrived, Lazarus had been dead for 4 days. Martha was a bit upset with the Lord because she knew he could have kept this from happening. She told him that if he had come right away he could have healed Lazarus and he wouldn't have died. Jesus' response was that Lazarus would live again. He wanted God to be glorified. Healing a sick man doesn't have quite the effect on people as raising a man from the dead. So Jesus told Lazarus to come forth and Lazarus walked out of the tomb as if nothing had ever happened. The Bible says many people put their faith in Jesus because of this miracle. God was glorified! I can't say this comforts me 100%. Waiting is not what I do best. Waiting in these situations, I think, is the hardest part. God is clearly telling me to wait on Him though so that He may be glorified. Come to think of it, the other stories I mention have a theme of waiting as well. Unfortunately the Israelites failed miserably but Abraham and Sarah did finally get their promised child after a very long wait. I have no idea how long my wait will be or what it will bring but I will wait on you Lord and I pray that my actions and thoughts will glorify you no matter what. Maybe you too are going through a difficult time. A time that causes you to bite your nails, gives you stomach aches and makes you want to take matters into your own hands. I pray you will find that peace that passes all understanding. Trust Him. Believe in Him. Wait on Him. "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

God's little reminders

I can't tell you when the last time was that Camryn asked me to read a book to her. Taylor has been reading to her since she was able and that's just always been their thing. This morning Camryn brought me a book and asked me to read it. Out of the 100 books (at least) that these girls have she picked out the story of Jesus and Lazerus. A story of a miracle. I couldn't help but to smile and think about the many ways the Lord speaks to us. Last night I sat down and wrote out Bible verses about healing, miracles, His power, and His love for us. Today I am feeling encouraged. I am excited that I'm pregnant again. I'm proud of my baby bump. I'm looking forward to meeting my little miracle.

Update on What's going on

Since my last blog, I had been feeling like I was missing something. Things just weren't adding up to me so I called my dr's office to find out what it was. I, of course, was missing a rather large piece of the puzzle. Easy to do when you get bombarded with tons of unexpected information. Our baby doesn't just have thick fluid on the back of it's neck. The baby has a growth that's called a cystic hygroma. Heard of it? Probably not because it occurs in 1% of fetus'. It is very rare. The good news is that it does have to potential of resolving on it's own. I have no idea what percentage of them do but the possibility is there and that's all I need to know. From what I understand, if there are no other chromosomal abnormalities or birth defects and if the growth resolves on it's own the chances of a good outcome are 54 -80%. I am going to MUSC for our genetic counseling and blood work on Monday. We are asking for specific prayers.
1. That the results of the test are negative and they find no other complications.
2. That the growth resolves on it's own...quickly for my sanity :)
Again, thank you all so much for your prayers.

What's going on??

That's the question I've been asked quite a few times in the last 24 hours. I love that we are being lifted up in prayer by so many people...even people who don't have a clue what's going on. So here it goes...I had my 12 week ultrasound yesterday to check for any abnormalities. I have never had this done before but with several close friends who have gone through quite a bit in their pregnancies, the fact that I'll be 35 when the baby is born, my congenital heart defect AND recent miscarriage I thought it would be a good idea. Let me say this first and foremost, I only got this done to be prepared not because I would ever even consider terminating the pregnancy. So I went into the u/s very excited and ready to see the baby. He/she is as cute as an u/s can make it be. I have another thumb sucker on my hands. The baby is apparently a wee bit stubborn because there wasn't a whole lot of movement and they weren't able to see everything they needed to. In this u/s they measure the thickness of the nuchal translucency which is fluid behind the neck. Unfortunately, my baby's was thicker than it should be. This indicates a possible chromosomal abnormality and/or heart defect. I don't really think that all of this sunk in until my appt was over. They started throwing out what could possibly be wrong, all the tests that I could and should have, genetic counseling and the option of termination(like I said that is not an option for us). It sunk in when Jason asked the dr if this was common and how often she has seen it. Her reply was that it was very rare and she has only had two patients to have this. The first baby didn't make it and the second baby was completely normal. They may see one a year at that practice. She said at this point we have a 50% chance of a perfectly normal baby. On the other hand we have a 50% chance of the baby having Downs, Turners, trisomy...you get the picture. So I ask that all of you please continue to pray on our behalf...on the baby's behalf. Pray that the tests will show no more signs of abnormalities and if the baby does have a defect that God will heal. Pray for me because I am an anxious mess at this point. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the information they gave and will be giving us. I am calling tomorrow to set up genetic counseling and blood work at MUSC and I have another u/s on the 29th and I'm meeting with our high risk dr at that appt as well. I, of course, have hope that the baby will be fine and can't wait to hold him/her but I also have to live in reality and prepare myself for what might be. My biggest fear is losing another baby. I am confident that God is going to carry out His plan for us though and it will be perfect no matter what the outcome. At this moment I am just living out my life story being written as I speak by our Maker's hand. I surely wouldn't want anyone else to be the author. I love you all and I hope this answers all of your questions. Thank you so much for always being here for me. Pray, pray, pray!!